HubPod School.com Tell's Their Students "Good Job For Failing

HubPOd School Tell’s Their Students “Good Job for Failing”

How failures can be more beneficial for your child growing up Jett and Ben Co-Founders at www.hubpodschool say.

We all know this. “Failure is the key to success”, and the numerous inspirational quotes out there about failure come from some of the most influencial people in the world such as @ElonMusk, @MarkZuckerbery, @BillGates to name a few. In fact, dare we say that all of us had walked this path before, fell, picked ourselves up, and walked again. It is true, in life, dealing with failures is inevitable, and the lessons that we’ve learned are invaluable.

If that’s the case, why do we try so hard to deprive our child of those valuable lessons to be had?

Let’s take a moment to reflect on how we’ve dealt with the grades for the tests our child got in school, and look around you to fellow parents. In a sarcastic jab at our own behavior as parents, comparing our child’s grades seemed to be something that becomes instinctive and second nature. In looking at our own behaviors, did we miss the elephant in the room and focused on the wrong thing? The answer to that is simple…. Yes we did fail our children by not allowing them to experiene failure. That is why Jett and Ben established www.hubpodschool.com so that kids can learn from failure and turn that around into something positive that will be a life skill they will carry with them for the rest of their lives.

Where is that elephant in the room?

We celebrate success too much and avoid failure like a plague. This behavior reinforces in our child that success is all we care about, value, and want, while failure brings disappointment and punishments.

Is that the right approach, and what does that do to the development of our child?

To compound the problem, some of us parents would add in the feeling of guilt and challenging the self-worth of the child in an attempt to steer them away from future failures and misfortunes. How does that help the child? This only adds to the pressure and stress for the poor child causing and causing them to develop other issues down the road.

Why do we do this?

While I can’t speak for all parents, and honestly, some of the behaviors do baffle me quite a bit. The pursuit of success and perfection is everywhere whether it is at school, a sports league, musical classes the list can go on. The same can be said about the workplace where success and accomplishments are celebrated, and failures are penalized. Maybe what we were doing is merely projecting our own desire to win and succeed onto our children, and in doing this, pushing them to do well in everything they do. Does this sound familiar????? Are my words echoing in your head as a parent that “yup I am guilty of doing that to my child”.

The risk of “not failing”

While this is counterintuitive, there important lessons to learn from both success and failures. It scares me to say this, and I just want to be clear when I say “lessons learned from failures”, what I really meant is understanding what went wrong, how it could have been done better, and also working on a coping mechanism to deal with the morale and emotions of the child.

What I witness with parents’ version of “lessons learned from failures” is worrying. There was this incident that I witnessed recently that was just sad and appalling. The incident happened at a fast-food chain with a parent reprimanding her child probably around the age of ten to eleven for lower than expectations marks he’s got for a paper in school. The mum went on and on about the impact of his failures and how he would eventually end up earning minimal wages when he grows up. All this because he failed to achieve academic success which in turn will cause him to lose competitiveness in the future.

The poor boy was crying but still trying to put up a brave front in trying to assure his mum that he would try harder in the future. Adding salt to the wound, his mum challenged him to ask the manager of the fast-food chain how much would he make if he were to work there, and if this is the life he wants. Is this the lesson that we want to teach our child? I am sure all of youa re nodding your head thinking wow that’s how this parent reacted towards her child. Not cool.

Learning to “Fail” better

In many innovative forward-looking organizations, failing is common and definitely not the end of the world. Where “success” is celebrated, “failures” were supported. This is where organizations learn to do better. Not only do they now know how not to fail, but they also encourage employees to try by removing the fear of failure.

These companies incorporate “failing” as part of the process for achieving, creating a nimble organization with a culture where employees dare to take risks and try new things.

Translating that to parenting, isn’t this what we want in our child? We want them to be courageous and not fear trying new things. To be resilient when things don’t go their way, and still look at the next challenge with excitement and anticipation. And most importantly, be happy and have fun along the way.

What can we do to “Fail” better?

I had the opportunity to have to deal with one such incident with my own son where he came back with a score for one of this paper that was not to great in comparrsion to him always doing well on his papers. The first thing I said to him was that it’s ok, and we went on to check on how he felt about the grade. Going through the paper with him, he realized that it was something that he could do, but for various reasons, he couldn’t score. I can tell you that there’s a lot of careless mistakes, and also time pressure during test time. That’s not important, and I focused on helping him understand the topics and worked on the subject.

Finally, I had a chat with him and told him that I was happy that he failed. He obviously was puzzled and wasn’t able to understand how I could be happy with his grades. I went on to explain that while a passing grade is good, but I’m happy for the opportunity to be able to explore this experience of failing at something. What’s most important is how we deal with the result and what we do next. That’s what defines us. He seemed to understand both the lesson and the subject matter which he was able to score better in a rerun.

As simple as “ABC”

I wanted to end this article by calling out these 3 steps to managing that conversation with your child. To make it easy to remember, let’s call this the ABC steps to managing failures.

1) Assurance

Regardless of what happened, always assure your child that it’s ok. I know it may not be ok and some failures are a little harder to deal with. However, the first thing that you should say is, “It’s ok!”. Nothing’s changed. Your child is still your child, and nothing is going to make you love him/ her less.

If you were to put yourself in their shoes, they have to deal with a variety of emotions and their own expectations of themselves. The last thing that they need is to have you add to that list of things.

2) Building

Build. Build an understanding of what happened. Build a coping mechanism and support for the child. Build a plan on how to do better and reinforce the understanding of the subject. Build confidence. Just build.

Basically, this step is really around being constructive. Instead of tearing everything down, and putting the child down for all the mistakes and failures, focus on building and working on positive next steps.

3) Continue

The world doesn’t stop with just one failure. Help your child take that next step in continuing the journey. It can be quite frightening and frustrating for them to try again. Be there for them to help take on the next challenge. It can be just words of encouragement, that vote of confidence will go a long way.

I hope you’ve enjoyed the article and found it useful. This is a topic that I’m very passionate about and would love to hear your stories or comments. Do share them in the comments on twitter @hubpodschool, @hubpod1, visit us at www.hubpodschool.com or send us an email at info@hubpodschool.com. We offer fantastic courses that are not offered at traditional schools and we can support your child to become a global leader in a variety of courses we offer.


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